Rest In The Lord

3 August 2006

Dearest friends

I feel so loved by all the friends around me. Many have remembered my checkup on Wednesday and have emailed or sms or called to find out how the checkup went.  A friend asked if I’m already swarmed with calls. It’s ok. I’m thankful. Thank you so much 🙂 The biopsy results showed there are cancer cells.  In fact during the scan, they also found 2 other lymph nodes that are also swollen but the sizes are smaller.

The doctor was very careful – he did not comment on which stage the cancer is and how the cancer cells would have occurred there.  Anyhow, we won’t know such things very much and it doesn’t matter.

The doctor suggested 2 things – 1. CT scan of the chest and a scan of the bones to find out where else there could be cancer cells 2. surgery to remove some lymph nodes.  All these will be done one after another. The scans are on next Thursday in the morning. The surgery will be about a week later, pending the scan results.

Please thank God –

1.   The children were with me when I received the news as Li-Ann had her physiotherapy that morning. I knew this is yet another hurdle I have to cross. It was very hard to keep my tears back.  All I could tell the children was that there are bad cells in the lump and another surgery is required.  I came back and quickly packed the children off to bed. I needed some time for myself. I called my hubby and also a couple of friends to share the news with them. God gave me friends and hubby whom I can cry out to.  I thank God for their acceptance of me and for encouraging me to let go of my emotions. In fact hubby came back before his training could finish just so to be with me. I really appreciate that.  I was more ready to receive what God had to tell me when I spent time with Him.

2.   I started a new devotion ‘What Every Mom Needs’ by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall. I happened to be on the chapter of ‘Identity’. I wasn’t sure that I’ll get anything from this chapter but since it’s my devotion, I just ask God to speak to me. God reminded me in 2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

There are also questions asking ‘Who am I?’, ‘How well do you know yourself?’ and I was also supposed to write a complimentary description about myself and paste it up somewhere visible, although I only wrote in the book. Then there are pointers of self-discovery and finally some reminders.  As I go through the session, God reminded me that He made me –

Psalm 139:1-2

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

He wants me to have an accurate picture of myself. Perhaps this is a time when I feel really low and very difficult for me to be positive, but He knows that I can. I sensed that God wants to mould me but before He can do that, He needs to break me. I also realised that because He knows me, He knows I can take this cup.  So I only need to accept and rest in His love. Allow me to share the prayer at the end of the chapter –

Today, O Lord, I accept Your acceptance of me.

I confess that you are always with me and always for me.

I receive into my spirit Your grace, Your mercy, Your care.

I rest in Your Love, O Lord, I rest in Your love. Amen.

This is my God – who is already there before I got there. It is great comfort to know that.

3.   God told me that I have to encourage others through this trial. Yes, that’s my gift and I know that I have to use it diligently. I know I will otherwise I’ll suffocate!!

4.   I felt that the narrow way is really tough to walk but God reminded me that I’m not alone. He’s with me.

5.   I thank God that I’m His treasured possession. A friend called and shared Malachi 3:16-17

Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.

“They will be mine,” says the LORD Almighty, “in the day when I make up my treasured possession. I will spare them, just as in compassion a man spares his son who serves him.”

She also shared something else she read. God purifies us because we are gold (no need to buy from the jewellery shop anymore, yea!). Surely no one will bother purifying dirt. Nothing will come out dirt.  I thank God that I’m precious in His eyes. So if you are going through a rough patch, remember – you are GOLD!!

6.   A church mate called to remind me to take care of my health and to build up my immunity. That’s a very practical suggestion. I definitely need to prepare my body for the surgery as well as the chemotherapy later on. The nurse told me it’ll probably be 3 weeks after the surgery.  So I’m stepping up on my herbal supplements, exercise, resting early (oops, this is a little late) and smiling and laughing more 🙂

7.   When I heard the news, I wasn’t sure how I should tell my parents, especially my mom.  Guess how the Lord prepared her?  She took it calmly, although I could picture all the whirl in her mind. Then after dinner, she told me to read this article in the Chinese papers on Tuesday that tells of this guy, 25yo, and how he battled cancer in his lymph nodes with humour and laughter. He actually wrote a comic book to share his thoughts with his friends and also to relieve the stress on his parents.  Wonder if I’ve got the same gift to write a comic book….hee… My mom reminded me to be positive and to eat well and she’s ever ready to help to cook my meals or to take care of the children.  She recently retired and her health is good. I’m so thankful that God is providing for my needs. I feel better emotionally when my mom took it well.

8.   God answered my prayers when a homeschool (HS) mom gathered a few of us to come together to pray.  I’m really green in this area of homeschooling and will need plenty of tips.  And there are moms with one, two, three and four children. Some who HS for only two months and others as long as 6 years!! WOW!!! We met up for the first time and shared about ourselves and I could sense their serious desire to HS.  I thank God for another group of friends who are praying for me. In fact one of the moms shared that she was willing to meet regularly with me and my children so they could interact and thus provide stimulation for Li-Ann. Yet another answered prayer!!! God is good!!!

9.   A friend who HS her daughter called to share some good ideas on how to teach John when I have to go through the surgery, treatment and when I feel not so up to it. They were excellent ideas. I thank God for meeting my needs yet again.  This is an area that I know I have to trust God COMPLETELY. I will still HS John.  Sending him to school will not make things any easier; I will feel more stressed and over things that are not meaningful.  God has convicted me so surely He’ll provide the necessary resources for us.  John reads well and is very self-motivated. That helps when I’m teaching him.

10. Friends have called to offer help with food and children and expenses. I really appreciate the kind gesture and will yell for help if I need to.  May I seek your understanding that if you wish to buy me anything, fruits would be wonderful.

Some areas of prayer –

1.   John has been an excellent brother to his sisters and is very helpful at home. I’ve shared with him briefly about the situation and also reminded him to pray.  Pray that God will speak to him and teach him.  Pray that in times of doubt, he’ll go to God.  Pray for God to teach Rebecca and Li-Ann when I’m unable and that they’ll grow to love Him and His Word. Pray that Li-Ann will continue to be active and learning and will progress in her development.

2.   I’m thankful for hubby helping me to shoulder the burden.  Do pray for him to look to God and seek and desire His will to be done. Pray also that he’ll have spiritually mature men friends to talk to and share with.

3.   While I hope they won’t find any cancer cells anywhere else when they scan next Thursday, I’m not sure as currently the lymph nodes are affected. I want to pray for God to be near and that He’ll restore and heal COMPLETELY.

4.   God to strengthen my in-laws as hubby tells them the news. Pray that they’ll seek God and His purposes.

Ok time to go to bed, as hubby just reminded me.

Thank you so much for your love.


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