Desperation Cries

4 December 2007

I appreciate you for praying for my mom. We saw the doctor and had originally fixed her surgery date in February 2008. The doctor proposed a surgery to find the root of the problem so as to normalise the circuit in her heart.  He didn’t think a pacemaker is the solution. As my mom had chosen a subsidized ward for her hospital stay, her post surgery treatment would be at subsidized rates. I am so thankful we didn’t have to go through the lengthy process of applying for downgrading of patient status. God is so GOOD!

My mom called me early on the morning of my chemotherapy, complaining about the discomfort she felt and hoped for an earlier date or even another doctor to do her surgery. I cautioned her against hastiness and told her to get an appointment to see the doctor. The appointment was made for the next day. Mom reminded the doctor of the first date he suggested, 7 January 2008. I looked with anticipation on that blank page of his diary, praying that he has nothing on that day. Thankfully his other patient is well and would not need any surgery and so my mom’s surgery is brought forward to 7 January. Mom was elated, beaming from ear to ear as she came out of his clinic. I reminded her to give thanks and urged her to come to church with me on Sunday. I brought my parents to the Mandarin service on Sunday. The pastor, who was from my in-law’s church, welcomed them by name warmly. I thank God for their openness. Please pray for success for the surgery for my mom and good health and salvation for my parents.

That morning I went for chemotherapy rather burdened. I prayed and asked the Lord to meet my needs. As I shared with my friend, who was with me for my chemotherapy, about my mom, she reminded me to listen to my mom. That was good and timely advice. A kind and efficient nurse arranged an appointment for me to see my surgeon at NUH right after my chemotherapy at NCC. I had some swelling in my arm and breast and thought I should check with my surgeon quickly. I’m very grateful that on the first day when my oncologist was back from his reservist, he promptly wrote a memo regarding my treatment so I could consult my surgeon at a subsidized rate. The last time I saw the surgeon was more than a year ago. Even the chemotherapy nurse who knew how tight my schedule was, told me she would do her best to help. All these happened within three days of one another. I was in time to see the surgeon. He didn’t think the swelling is a major concern and I should just continue with my exercises. I was relieved. However, I felt rather hurt upon hearing subsequent comments which I thought was uncalled for. That weighed my heart down even more. The NUH nurses were excellent in their patient care though, asking how I had been and cheered me on.

I looked up another girlfriend for a long lunch. She patiently listened and prayed for me. In the evening, hubby had a dinner so I went home with the children. My aunty came to use my sewing machine – God brought her so I may be diverted from my burdens. A friend called from overseas and I gladly poured out my heart. Before I go to bed, I chanced upon a devotion on women in the Bible which I did halfway. I used that for my quiet time with the Lord that evening. The lesson was on Rachel, Jacob’s wife. She was jealous of her sister Leah, also the wife of Jacob, when she was unable to conceive. She finally became pregnant and gave birth to Joseph. When she gave birth to Benjamin, she died. Rachel’s death during childbirth was ironic since she cried out for death in her desperation to have children in Genesis 30:1 ‘Give me children, or I’ll die!’ That struck me because when I was on my way to my mom’s place after lunch, I was so frustrated with all that I had to handle that I wish I was with God in heaven, where there are no troubles and worries. At that point, I quickly brushed aside this thought. But it was during my quiet time that I realized I must seek God’s forgiveness and His providence. I also shared this with my hubby and seek his forgiveness and understanding. As I released my burdens to Him, I remembered what my mom said. She said she’ll hang on because I’ve been so strong. I thank God for His power and His strength. I thank God for His faithfulness, for knowing my heart and my needs and for meeting them so perfectly. Please pray that I’ll know how to manage the swelling. Pray also for God to speak to us as we consider a live-in helper.

To God be all Glory!

Apple